JG Gillis Counselling

  About three years ago, a lady walked into my office and she was suffering from one of the worst cases of anxiety and depression I had seen. She was almost always in tears. I won't give her real name or her age, but let's call her Sarah.  Sarah grew up in a relatively (at least on the surface) normal family, but she felt like she was invisible growing up. She felt like she had to pour oil on troubled waters so everyone would get along. She felt like she had to be perfect and she panicked when she couldn't be. She was extremely despondent and had even considered suicide a couple of times in her life. As she sat with me telling me her present story - an infidelity in her relationship with her (now) husband - she cried. And she cried.  I started talking about looking after herself. What did she do to have fun? What activities made her feel good?  She couldn't think of any that she was practicing at the time - and said she "should" do it but couldn't stick wi...

The last eight weeks has been a whirlwind of stress and unexpected need. It has me asking myself the question: Clients come to therapists for help in their lives, navigating a sudden change, healing a trauma (or hundreds of traumas), dealing with addiction, getting back on their feet after a loss, or whatever. But who helps the therapist?  What happens when the therapist goes through that valley they are so good at helping others through? Well, I have learned a few things in the last few weeks. And here, in no particular order, are some of the things I've learned. It hits different when it's YOU . There's a degree of separation when you suggest techniques for someone else, and when the crisis is actually happening in your own life. You feel intensely alone, even though you know you are surrounded by people who care. You know it's only a perception, but the perception ... is strong. And admitting that helps the healing process start.  The feelings are real. And no less ...

Recently, I finished a course in the program I'm taking to become a certified Emotionally Focused Individual Therapist. It was an intensive two days, all day event live by Zoom, with 72 participants from all around the world.  During that course, we got to see an entire session of EFIT (Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy). That's when I had a "light bulb moment". I saw someone practicing EFIT from start to finish, in various phases of the method, with a real client who was brave enough to let their vulnerability be seen by those in training (in being recorded).  Over the last couple of years, as I learn more and more, I have been incorporating elements of EFIT into my practice - with clients' permission of course - but only using the individual techniques (which work) with them. Here, finally, I saw that EFIT (as in all Emotionally Focused Therapy: with couples, families, and individuals) is a way of being with clients, of walking alongside them on their jour...

  Perhaps it is a function of the busyness of life that I've not written on this blog for over 4 months! Oh well, I find myself up early this morning (not a morning person, but I'm 65, so ... whatever.) And I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days. Last fall, I spoke at the annual conference of the local Alzheimer Society on honouring emotions in dementia with grace. That presentation went over very well, even if I had to rush through it a bit to stay on schedule. (Lesson learned.) Anyway, when the (national) Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association reached out for ideas on session topics/content last December, I followed the urging of my therapist and sent in a summary of my presentation. I didn't hear from them for days, weeks, and months. I assumed that they were not interested. I was even considering not going, and even moreso when they sent out a general email saying that it was "sold out"! Then, 2 days ago, I got an email from...

Transitions - even nice ones - are hard. Just ask any mother who has ever given birth... the term "transition" is considered a stage of labour during which the cervix has dilated and the mother switches from breathing to get through the pain to pushing along WITH the pain. And yes, it's painful, very much so. And yet, it is also purposeful.  Transitions happen frequently. The only constant, it's been said, is CHANGE - and some of us have more difficulty with it. Including me.  For me, it's kind of like when a baby bird has been in the nest, a source of care, food, and comfort, growing the whole time, growing bigger, growing feathers, and all of a sudden, it comes time to leave that nest and embrace the skies.  Scary!  And yet ... it is exhilarating. The first realization that the air is holding up the bird's body, buoying up under its wings, must be a source of incredible joy. And yet, it is different - and carries responsibility for self-care, depending on it...

Grief is a topic not many people want to talk about, but it is a fact of life that we need to address. Grief comes about by means of a loss - whether a loss of a person in our lives, a cherished dream, a job, a relationship, or a part of ourselves. It can even be a loss of something we never had.  Many of us have heard of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and we mistakenly think that these are stages that proceed in an orderly fashion, like items on a "to-do" list. However, it doesn't work that way. These are common components that can occur in our grief, but can be experienced more like a whack-a-mole game, popping up seemingly at random, and sometimes we can experience two or more of those states at the same time.  The common belief is that we "get over" grief. We don't. But it changes. Free image from Pixabay.com I like to compare it to being out in the ocean during a storm. The waves are so high, so frequent, tha...

  I was talking with a client yesterday and they said to me that they were not sure what goals to set next, after a particularly trying episode of setting and maintaining boundaries.  I started to reflect on everything we had been through in therapy, and there was really only one suggestion I could make. I brought out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... and talked about how it might be helpful to look at whether basic needs were being met before moving on to others that were "nice-to-have." I likened it to building a house when there were holes in the foundation, and that it's more helpful to repair the holes before moving on. Free image "Pyramid" from Pixabay The concept Maslow talked about looked like a pyramid, with levels indicating the base (representing physical needs like food, sleep, shelter, etc.) all the way to the top (which represented complete fulfillment on every level). My client was familiar with this concept, as we'd discussed it before, and ...

Most of my clients don't mention Thanksgiving; it's an excuse to have a long weekend and they only talk about it after it has happened and only if it was stressful for them. Their stressors mostly and usually centre around Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Royalty-free photo from Pixabay To me, Thanksgiving (in the US, Columbus Day) is bittersweet. In 2013, while my youngest was still alive, and homeless in her car in Edmonton Alberta, I was so discouraged and was thinking of cancelling the big meal. She got wind of it, and pleaded with me: "Oh Mom, don't cancel Thanksgiving. Look at me; I'm living in my car but I'm still thankful. I'm thankful that I have you and Dad, and my friends who love me, and a place to sleep at night. Please Mom. Please." So, touched and moved by her concern for ME, I did Thanksgiving traditions that year. Less than 2 weeks later, she was gone. So yeah, bittersweet. I still celebrate...

With most if not all of my clients, I recommend a simple (but sometimes hard) exercise: self-care. Many people don't understand why. Some misunderstand what I mean by self-care. I thought I'd take some time this morning and briefly talk about what self-care is and why it is so important to everyone, but especially to everyone who is dealing with mental health issues. Self-care isn't all massages, manicures, and bubble baths. If those things make you feel great about yourself, by all means, do them, but I'm talking about small things that you can do in your daily routine, as simple as brushing teeth (or other hygienic things, which for people with depression, may seem hard) right up to taking a walk or having an outing with or without a human or animal friend.  Free photos available at Pixabay.com The purpose of this kind of activity is simple. It is to feed the part of you that rarely gets any thanks or gratitude from anyone, the part of you that feels alone, misunderst...

When does trauma end?  The short answer is that it doesn't.  More precisely, no matter how short-term or long-term the trauma has been, or is, the brain's response to trauma is the same. It rewires itself to protect the person from further trauma. So, while the incident(s) may be over with, the trauma lives inside of the person and needs to be processed before the brain can heal itself.  I saw this image today of PET (positron emission tomography) scans of a normal brain's function and that of someone who had experienced trauma. It was very telling. The front of the brain is where we do our thinking and make decisions. The temporal lobes (circled in the image) are where we process new information so the front of our brains can decide what to do. The back of our brains is where we have our automatic reactions: fight, flight, freeze, and so forth (it's also called the "lizard brain.")  Trauma interferes with our ability to process new information and to make int...

  During my Masters degree studies, professors stressed over and over again how important it was for every counsellor to HAVE a counsellor.  I took that seriously. Halfway through my program, I ran into an emotional snag and had to go on medication to weather it, and I sought the help of a counsellor who was well-versed in processing traumatic experiences. With her help, I was able to heal from many of my childhood traumas and integrate those experiences and my reactions to them into my everyday life and practice. It took several months, but I saw progress in my personal life and emotions. I kept seeing this counsellor as a touchstone of sorts, a way to keep myself accountable for the gains I had made in therapy. When my counsellor made a decision to explore other challenges, I knew I had to find someone else to talk to, because the experience of being heard was not something I wanted to let lapse. I found such a person through an online counselling service, and I'm still seei...

  I just got back from a walk with hubby and the dogs. It's been so muggy the last two or three weeks that walking seemed more of a chore than anything; I would sweat profusely at the end of even 20 minutes. But tonight, the humidity went down a bit, as did the temperature, and now only my face and neck are moist. I'll take it! I'd been feeling a bit down and discouraged about a few things as we came to the end of June 2023. It was a rainy month, and the temperatures seemed cold; the grass was wet EVERY day.  Free photo by Susanne06 at Pixabay.com Near the end of June or the beginning of July, I had a health scare and started taking seriously the food choices I was making, and the activity level I was settling for. To combat getting my shoes wet, I got some rubber boots (pink, why not?) and started taking the puppy out on a regular schedule, which started around 8:30 am. Within 3 weeks, she was going "outside" to do her business (on leash of course) more than hal...

When I was a child, my home life was chaotic and unpredictable. It depended very much on my mother's mood. I never knew when or whether I would be hugged or beaten. At the time, I thought everyone's life was like that. I believed that delusion until well into my adulthood. But even as a child, I knew when I felt safe. I would seek those feelings - even though I had no name for them - in the company of adult neighbours, or other relatives who were within walking distance, or even in solitude. I made sure (learned the hard way) to let my mom know where I was going and how long I would be there. And I would set out to visit these people. Back then, someone was always home; women stayed home to keep house and keep the home fires burning, so to speak. And I would visit folks who always smiled when they saw me coming.  I remember going to see my grandmother (my mom's mother) who lived about a half a mile away. I would enter the yard and the first place I'd go was to see the a...

  I've heard it said that a diamond is still a diamond even if you find it in a pigsty. Well, I can't say that the past week has been a pigsty week, but it's been pretty crappy (the whole family has COVID-19). However, news I've been waiting for has finally arrived: I passed my qualifying exam for the CCTPEI (College of Counselling Therapists of PEI) and the subsequent jurisprudence exam. Then, I received an email from the CCTPEI welcoming me to the College, and so I am a Counselling Therapist! Just like that! These are gates through which I hope never to have to pass again! As long as I keep my membership and education current, I won't have to! And they also mean that I can offer my services to more people and have those services covered by more health insurance companies. Implied in the title of Counselling Therapist is the word "registered" - which means automatic recognition by the provincial (and in some cases, federal) government as a provider of cou...

  They sleep. Dormant beneath the cold ground, beneath the snow and ice, the hardy crocus sleep, awaiting the first signs of spring: the sunlight's increasing duration, the softening of the maple's skin, the increasing temperatures, the melting, the run-off, the smells of decomposed grass and leaves.  The crocus bulbs wait beneath the earth, held in suspended animation until the first signs of life return to the land. In PEI, these come in April, no matter what the calendar says is the first day of spring. In warmer climates, they arrive in February. Here, winter is long and it can be harsh. However, these little cloves of crocus are not destroyed. They are one of the harbingers of hope that warmer times will return. Others are the return of the female mourning doves, which sends the males into bursts of billing and cooing. And the last - the very last - is the appearance of the robins on OUR lawn, the last to get these rare beasts because the neighbourhood (outdoor) cats use ...

  What an ordeal the last few hours has been! First I discover that my WordPress site at judygilliscounselling.wordpress.com is inaccessible to me, then I discover that I cannot report this fact to them without logging into my wordpress account, which I cannot do. Anyway, you'll note some of my archived information in my previous post. :) Since the last time I posted, in the summer of this year, much has changed and I wanted to update my readers, if they ever find me (LOL).  I'm now almost a year into private practice. I wrote my entrance exam to the PEI College of Counselling Therapists on October 27, 2022, and I am awaiting the results. Passing the exam means that I will be able to become a member of the College (like the College of Physicians and Surgeons, only for Master's level counsellors!) and use the title, "Counselling Therapist." It also means that more health insurance companies would be covering my services for those with such plans. So if all goes wel...

 Hello folks, I hope you can find me here because my Wordpress blog - although still visible - is inaccessible to be due to some foul-up with my logon credentials (an email address, used in for my login, that has been deleted at the source, through no fault of my own!!)  Judy Gillis – Counsellor "Every man is my teacher in that I may learn something from him." – Donne Skip to content Home About About my counselling Terms and conditions Obeying my body Jul 6 I mentioned in my last post that I took a part-time job to augment my cash flow situation. I enjoyed the training, a LOT. I learned so much! And I met some amazing people! However, once I started actually DOING the job, I noticed that my body wasn’t cooperating with me. The days when I was to work, I would have diarrhea, and my stomach would feel like it was in knots. I had headaches and muscle ache...