JG Gillis Counselling

The last eight weeks has been a whirlwind of stress and unexpected need. It has me asking myself the question: Clients come to therapists for help in their lives, navigating a sudden change, healing a trauma (or hundreds of traumas), dealing with addiction, getting back on their feet after a loss, or whatever. But who helps the therapist?  What happens when the therapist goes through that valley they are so good at helping others through? Well, I have learned a few things in the last few weeks. And here, in no particular order, are some of the things I've learned. It hits different when it's YOU . There's a degree of separation when you suggest techniques for someone else, and when the crisis is actually happening in your own life. You feel intensely alone, even though you know you are surrounded by people who care. You know it's only a perception, but the perception ... is strong. And admitting that helps the healing process start.  The feelings are real. And no less ...

Recently, I finished a course in the program I'm taking to become a certified Emotionally Focused Individual Therapist. It was an intensive two days, all day event live by Zoom, with 72 participants from all around the world.  During that course, we got to see an entire session of EFIT (Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy). That's when I had a "light bulb moment". I saw someone practicing EFIT from start to finish, in various phases of the method, with a real client who was brave enough to let their vulnerability be seen by those in training (in being recorded).  Over the last couple of years, as I learn more and more, I have been incorporating elements of EFIT into my practice - with clients' permission of course - but only using the individual techniques (which work) with them. Here, finally, I saw that EFIT (as in all Emotionally Focused Therapy: with couples, families, and individuals) is a way of being with clients, of walking alongside them on their jour...

  Perhaps it is a function of the busyness of life that I've not written on this blog for over 4 months! Oh well, I find myself up early this morning (not a morning person, but I'm 65, so ... whatever.) And I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days. Last fall, I spoke at the annual conference of the local Alzheimer Society on honouring emotions in dementia with grace. That presentation went over very well, even if I had to rush through it a bit to stay on schedule. (Lesson learned.) Anyway, when the (national) Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association reached out for ideas on session topics/content last December, I followed the urging of my therapist and sent in a summary of my presentation. I didn't hear from them for days, weeks, and months. I assumed that they were not interested. I was even considering not going, and even moreso when they sent out a general email saying that it was "sold out"! Then, 2 days ago, I got an email from...

Transitions - even nice ones - are hard. Just ask any mother who has ever given birth... the term "transition" is considered a stage of labour during which the cervix has dilated and the mother switches from breathing to get through the pain to pushing along WITH the pain. And yes, it's painful, very much so. And yet, it is also purposeful.  Transitions happen frequently. The only constant, it's been said, is CHANGE - and some of us have more difficulty with it. Including me.  For me, it's kind of like when a baby bird has been in the nest, a source of care, food, and comfort, growing the whole time, growing bigger, growing feathers, and all of a sudden, it comes time to leave that nest and embrace the skies.  Scary!  And yet ... it is exhilarating. The first realization that the air is holding up the bird's body, buoying up under its wings, must be a source of incredible joy. And yet, it is different - and carries responsibility for self-care, depending on it...

Grief is a topic not many people want to talk about, but it is a fact of life that we need to address. Grief comes about by means of a loss - whether a loss of a person in our lives, a cherished dream, a job, a relationship, or a part of ourselves. It can even be a loss of something we never had.  Many of us have heard of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and we mistakenly think that these are stages that proceed in an orderly fashion, like items on a "to-do" list. However, it doesn't work that way. These are common components that can occur in our grief, but can be experienced more like a whack-a-mole game, popping up seemingly at random, and sometimes we can experience two or more of those states at the same time.  The common belief is that we "get over" grief. We don't. But it changes. Free image from Pixabay.com I like to compare it to being out in the ocean during a storm. The waves are so high, so frequent, tha...

  I was talking with a client yesterday and they said to me that they were not sure what goals to set next, after a particularly trying episode of setting and maintaining boundaries.  I started to reflect on everything we had been through in therapy, and there was really only one suggestion I could make. I brought out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... and talked about how it might be helpful to look at whether basic needs were being met before moving on to others that were "nice-to-have." I likened it to building a house when there were holes in the foundation, and that it's more helpful to repair the holes before moving on. Free image "Pyramid" from Pixabay The concept Maslow talked about looked like a pyramid, with levels indicating the base (representing physical needs like food, sleep, shelter, etc.) all the way to the top (which represented complete fulfillment on every level). My client was familiar with this concept, as we'd discussed it before, and ...