JG Gillis Counselling

  Perhaps it is a function of the busyness of life that I've not written on this blog for over 4 months! Oh well, I find myself up early this morning (not a morning person, but I'm 65, so ... whatever.) And I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days. Last fall, I spoke at the annual conference of the local Alzheimer Society on honouring emotions in dementia with grace. That presentation went over very well, even if I had to rush through it a bit to stay on schedule. (Lesson learned.) Anyway, when the (national) Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association reached out for ideas on session topics/content last December, I followed the urging of my therapist and sent in a summary of my presentation. I didn't hear from them for days, weeks, and months. I assumed that they were not interested. I was even considering not going, and even moreso when they sent out a general email saying that it was "sold out"! Then, 2 days ago, I got an email from...

Transitions - even nice ones - are hard. Just ask any mother who has ever given birth... the term "transition" is considered a stage of labour during which the cervix has dilated and the mother switches from breathing to get through the pain to pushing along WITH the pain. And yes, it's painful, very much so. And yet, it is also purposeful.  Transitions happen frequently. The only constant, it's been said, is CHANGE - and some of us have more difficulty with it. Including me.  For me, it's kind of like when a baby bird has been in the nest, a source of care, food, and comfort, growing the whole time, growing bigger, growing feathers, and all of a sudden, it comes time to leave that nest and embrace the skies.  Scary!  And yet ... it is exhilarating. The first realization that the air is holding up the bird's body, buoying up under its wings, must be a source of incredible joy. And yet, it is different - and carries responsibility for self-care, depending on it...

Grief is a topic not many people want to talk about, but it is a fact of life that we need to address. Grief comes about by means of a loss - whether a loss of a person in our lives, a cherished dream, a job, a relationship, or a part of ourselves. It can even be a loss of something we never had.  Many of us have heard of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and we mistakenly think that these are stages that proceed in an orderly fashion, like items on a "to-do" list. However, it doesn't work that way. These are common components that can occur in our grief, but can be experienced more like a whack-a-mole game, popping up seemingly at random, and sometimes we can experience two or more of those states at the same time.  The common belief is that we "get over" grief. We don't. But it changes. Free image from Pixabay.com I like to compare it to being out in the ocean during a storm. The waves are so high, so frequent, tha...

  I was talking with a client yesterday and they said to me that they were not sure what goals to set next, after a particularly trying episode of setting and maintaining boundaries.  I started to reflect on everything we had been through in therapy, and there was really only one suggestion I could make. I brought out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... and talked about how it might be helpful to look at whether basic needs were being met before moving on to others that were "nice-to-have." I likened it to building a house when there were holes in the foundation, and that it's more helpful to repair the holes before moving on. Free image "Pyramid" from Pixabay The concept Maslow talked about looked like a pyramid, with levels indicating the base (representing physical needs like food, sleep, shelter, etc.) all the way to the top (which represented complete fulfillment on every level). My client was familiar with this concept, as we'd discussed it before, and ...

Most of my clients don't mention Thanksgiving; it's an excuse to have a long weekend and they only talk about it after it has happened and only if it was stressful for them. Their stressors mostly and usually centre around Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Royalty-free photo from Pixabay To me, Thanksgiving (in the US, Columbus Day) is bittersweet. In 2013, while my youngest was still alive, and homeless in her car in Edmonton Alberta, I was so discouraged and was thinking of cancelling the big meal. She got wind of it, and pleaded with me: "Oh Mom, don't cancel Thanksgiving. Look at me; I'm living in my car but I'm still thankful. I'm thankful that I have you and Dad, and my friends who love me, and a place to sleep at night. Please Mom. Please." So, touched and moved by her concern for ME, I did Thanksgiving traditions that year. Less than 2 weeks later, she was gone. So yeah, bittersweet. I still celebrate...

With most if not all of my clients, I recommend a simple (but sometimes hard) exercise: self-care. Many people don't understand why. Some misunderstand what I mean by self-care. I thought I'd take some time this morning and briefly talk about what self-care is and why it is so important to everyone, but especially to everyone who is dealing with mental health issues. Self-care isn't all massages, manicures, and bubble baths. If those things make you feel great about yourself, by all means, do them, but I'm talking about small things that you can do in your daily routine, as simple as brushing teeth (or other hygienic things, which for people with depression, may seem hard) right up to taking a walk or having an outing with or without a human or animal friend.  Free photos available at Pixabay.com The purpose of this kind of activity is simple. It is to feed the part of you that rarely gets any thanks or gratitude from anyone, the part of you that feels alone, misunderst...