First things first

 I was talking with a client yesterday and they said to me that they were not sure what goals to set next, after a particularly trying episode of setting and maintaining boundaries.  I started to reflect on everything we had been through in therapy, and there was really only one suggestion I could make.

I brought out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... and talked about how it might be helpful to look at whether basic needs were being met before moving on to others that were "nice-to-have." I likened it to building a house when there were holes in the foundation, and that it's more helpful to repair the holes before moving on.

Free image "Pyramid" from Pixabay
The concept Maslow talked about looked like a pyramid, with levels indicating the base (representing physical needs like food, sleep, shelter, etc.) all the way to the top (which represented complete fulfillment on every level). My client was familiar with this concept, as we'd discussed it before, and it gave them food for thought. 

(I'll insert a brief note here:  I habitually use the pronoun "them" when talking about a client so as not to identify any gender or anything personal about the client.  It is another way to respect their identity and confidentiality.) 

After the session was done, I started thinking about this old but solid concept of putting first things first: Physical needs, Safety needs, Social/Relationship needs, and onward to Self-actualization or fulfillment needs. Bottom to top. Foundation to roof. And I think that every once in a while, it does us - as human beings - some good to reflect on those things. We need structure and we need balance in our lives. And often, as we journey on in our healing journeys, it's helpful to review those things, because as we grow, and as circumstances develop, our needs change. 

Yes, sometimes I need to take stock of my own hierarchy of needs to figure out if some problem or challenge I might be facing is as simple as me getting enough sleep, part of the foundation of my needs. Or perhaps my safety needs are getting a few cracks - some situation has highlighted my need to feel safe in certain internal or social areas. Perhaps I've taken on too much. Or perhaps I need to look at how others interact with me and I with them. Perhaps I need to set - or enforce - a boundary. 

We're all human. We have these needs. 

Meeting those needs, first things first, can give us the stability we need to move forward with feeling at home in our own skin. Sometimes, it takes some therapy to do that. I have a therapist. I'm not above admitting that sometimes I need a second pair of eyes (or ears) to make sense of things. It's okay to ask for help. 

It really is. 

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