Balancing Personal Crisis and Professional Distance - ReallY?

The last eight weeks has been a whirlwind of stress and unexpected need. It has me asking myself the question:

Clients come to therapists for help in their lives, navigating a sudden change, healing a trauma (or hundreds of traumas), dealing with addiction, getting back on their feet after a loss, or whatever. But who helps the therapist?  What happens when the therapist goes through that valley they are so good at helping others through?

Well, I have learned a few things in the last few weeks. And here, in no particular order, are some of the things I've learned.

1. It hits different when it's YOU. There's a degree of separation when you suggest techniques for someone else, and when the crisis is actually happening in your own life. You feel intensely alone, even though you know you are surrounded by people who care. You know it's only a perception, but the perception ... is strong. And admitting that helps the healing process start. 
2. The feelings are real. And no less intense just because you're a therapist. We are all human beings and we all feel big feelings.
3. The pull between professional distance and personal transparency is stronger than you think. The feeling of heaviness is difficult not to take into the therapy room. It takes a lot of effort to be there for someone else when your own life feels like it's falling apart. Sometimes you wonder if sharing some of your own pain might let your clients know that you are not immune because you are human. The question becomes, how much to share (if at all) and at what point does it become unhealthy for your client!!??
4. The suggestions we give as therapists really do work when we follow them ourselves, even if it's hard. Self-care really DOES work. The breathing, the grounding, they work. They just need to be practices, not platitudes. And sometimes, no matter how much grounding and breathing you do, the harsh realities remain, and it's a matter of accepting what you can't change. 
5. The process always takes longer than you want it to. The impatience of wanting the solution to "fix" your situation to be happening RIGHT NOW is strong, so it's easy to get discouraged and despondent. In a sense, this experience in my own life is teaching me that things happen when they happen; you can't rush it.  

Those are some things I just wanted to put out there. Therapists are human beings - with the training to counsel others - but human beings nonetheless. We worry about finances. We wonder what to eat, or whether to eat. We feel sad when sad things happen. We get angry and frustrated when things don't happen as quickly as we want them to happen. And we can ABSOLUTELY relate to our clients. 

After all, normal is just a setting on the washing machine. 

 

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