Imported Information from now non-functional blog at Wordpress
Hello folks,
I hope you can find me here because my Wordpress blog - although still visible - is inaccessible to be due to some foul-up with my logon credentials (an email address, used in for my login, that has been deleted at the source, through no fault of my own!!)
Judy Gillis – Counsellor
"Every man is my teacher in that I may learn something from him." – Donne
Obeying my body
I mentioned in my last post that I took a part-time job to augment my cash flow situation. I enjoyed the training, a LOT. I learned so much! And I met some amazing people!
However, once I started actually DOING the job, I noticed that my body wasn’t cooperating with me. The days when I was to work, I would have diarrhea, and my stomach would feel like it was in knots. I had headaches and muscle aches in my shoulders and neck. Sometimes even my lower back would feel like it was going to “go out” on me. I started gaining weight.
Soon, I determined that my attitude toward the call-centre nature of the work was one of dread rather than of excitement. I developed a significant anxiety surrounding calls coming in when I was not aware of what would face me: a risk (either of suicide, domestic violence, addiction, or child welfare) or a call from someone in my second language, French. While I’m great in print with French, I need the speaker to go slower, and I need (apparently) to be able to see the person’s mouth to pick up on nuances. With telephone counselling, I wasn’t able to do that.
I’m not saying I couldn’t – or didn’t – help people in both French and English. I did. However, the whole experience was fraught with stress. Compared to my private practice, which brings me joy, I found the call-centre experience to be … the opposite. It’s not that these services (such as Employee Assistance Program) are not needed. They are. However, they were not a good fit for me as a private practice counsellor. I had to learn that on my own.
Therefore, last Friday night, I submitted my two weeks’ notice. Financially, I’m perfectly fine with doing that, as my part-time salary only brought in the equivalent per week as two clients billed at full rate (not even that!) The only down side is that the network of support I built in that organization was pretty cool. To lessen that sting, I reached out to my training cohort (about 4 other people) and we have agreed to keep in touch from time to time.
So, I am turning my attention to growing my practice again, and I am putting myself out there. I have even purchased some promotional materials, which should be arriving later this month – brochures, a decal for my car, and a large cotton tote-bag with my business name on it. I’ve also recently gotten new business cards. I’m kind of a dork that way – getting excited over fresh office supplies like folders, pens, and the like. I guess that’s okay.
I’ve updated my LinkedIn profile, my Instagram page, and my Facebook business page with my new, expanded hours, and my website at www.jggilliscounseling.com … and I plan to put more content on social media that is shareable. All good marketing ideas!
And I trust that word of mouth – a powerful thing in my province of residence – will do its work.
Going with the flow
My first three months in business has proven better than I expected. By the end of the second month, I was able to pay expenses out of my business bank account instead of my personal one (a victory for sure), and by the end of the third month, I was able to pay myself back for about 10% of my initial investment into the business.
However, cash flow was still an issue. So to maintain a certain level of that, I sought part-time employment, and within a month, I received a call from an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) company who offered me the opportunity to interview for a telecounsellor position. I still wanted to maintain my practice, so I said, “As long as it’s part-time.” So I interviewed, twice, and got the job. Cash flow won’t be a problem now; I can go with that kind of flow.
This past Thursday, I started setting up the computer the company sent me, and I tried to get all the programs working and the internet connection up to their standards. That took a little doing, but our internet service provider sent someone today (a Sunday!!) to hook us up with a more modern modem, and we noticed an IMMEDIATE difference in download and upload speeds. Like, ten TIMES what they were before. We were impressed with the technician’s depth of knowledge and dedication to customer service.
I’m glad that this happened before I start training tomorrow morning; it was scheduled to happen in another three days! I’m so grateful. The only fly in the ointment is that the training, which takes five weeks, is full-time, M-F, 9 – 5 Eastern. So – I had to go with the flow again – my clients will see me on Saturdays, or in emergency situations, during the evening. They have been wonderful about accommodating this change, though.
I guess they’re going with the flow. As am I.
The idea of going with the flow is a relatively new thing for me. Years ago, I was the kind of person that had to have pretty much every detail planned out for oh, about 5 years. Then I would get upset if reality deviated from the plan. So I spent a lot of time being upset, as you can imagine. Since I started learning to live in the moment and enjoy NOW, that stress has left me, and I am able to help – perhaps even show – others how to let go of their expectations and their regrets, and just enjoy the gift of Today.
After all, Today is all I have. And Today … is pretty good.
Balance of Power = Ethic of Care
All through the counselling studies in the last several years, I’ve heard and read about the natural imbalance of power that exists between a counsellor and a client. My aim in all of my counselling pursuits has been to minimize, as much as possible, that imbalance. To be sure, because of my focused education in many things psychological, I could be considered an “expert” by the lay person. My take, however, has always been that I might know theories, practices and techniques, but that it is the client who is the expert in their own life, thoughts, experiences, and feelings. I am there as a facilitator to help the client access that inner world and make meaning out of it. My function is to CARE – and in that atmosphere of caring, create a safe place for the client to heal and grow.
In a sense, counselling brings about an accelerated form of relational intimacy, in that people share their innermost thoughts and feelings with a therapist, perhaps even more readily than they would with a friend or family member. There is a special bond, one of trust and respect, that characterizes the counselling dyad. The professional ‘distance’ that we hear about, in some ways, cannot co-exist with such a bond, and it becomes a very tricky dance to learn more and more about someone and still remain objective. I wonder if it’s even possible.
I can see the need for a certain degree of objectivity, if we are to be of help to someone. It does no good, for example, to get caught up in our clients’ problems and sucked down into the vortex of “if only”, among other, equally unhelpful attitudes. That only increases the imbalance because then, the counsellor might intervene in a way that might take control out of the client’s hands, even without knowing it. Or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, the therapist could succumb to discouragement and become paralyzed and unable to be present for the client.
The way to strike that balance of power, I have found, is to subscribe to what feminist psychology calls an “Ethic of Care” – – creating a safe space for people to explore their own issues, and respecting their boundaries (or what they should have as boundaries if they don’t have any.) Empathy, authenticity, and acceptance, three of the necessary and sufficient character traits in the therapist that lead to successful therapy according to Carl Rogers (1957), cannot be separated from a genuine caring for the client. In other words, faking it is not an option!
I care about each of my clients. I realize that this caring sometimes may lead to what we in the counselling field call ‘counter-transference’ – but this, in itself, is not a bad thing … as long as I realize it is there and work through my own feelings, with my primary goal being to never do harm to the client. In the Ethic of Care, the principle of seeking the good of the client and seeking never to harm them is paramount. It is behind everything from the interventions we use right down to the placement of the chairs in the room.
And therapists, like the rest of the population, are human beings. We make mistakes. And when we do, we must acknowledge them and apologize – and try to do better. It’s all part of that authenticity Rogers talked about. Being authentic and transparent is a necessary skill, and one that sometimes isn’t easy, because it first requires self-knowledge. And self-knowledge is not (repeat not) as easy as it sounds. And of course, the other side of that coin is accountability: to oneself, to the client, and to the profession. I like to believe that accountability to oneself and to the client will automatically result in accountability to the profession. In a perfect world, that would be true.
But – as I mentioned – errors can happen. Mistakes can be made; therapists are human, after all. That’s why it’s recommended that each therapist have a therapist of their own, or at the very least, seek supervision (the advice of a trusted mentor within the profession) to avoid common pitfalls. Errors can help the therapist identify any long-standing patterns of thinking – perhaps even related to their upbringing – that are not helpful to them. Recently, from a ‘rookie error’ I made, I learned some very important – but difficult – things about my internal makeup that put me at risk of getting out of balance. And one thing I’ve learned about myself is that I don’t often make the same mistake more than once – once I know that it’s a mistake.
So, I am carefully examining my mistakes and the underlying reasons for them, and seeking to find a way to rectify them without causing harm to anyone, including myself. I can talk to my therapist. I can talk to my supervisor / mentor. And then I can act according to that same Ethic of Care to seek the best outcome for all concerned.
I’m always learning. Every client I see teaches me more about how to care, how to listen, how to be real, how to be present. If I cannot or will not learn, I have become stagnant. And so I continue to reflect on my actions, words, and choices both personally and professionally. And I extend that same Ethic of Care to my own healing and growth as well. As the great Maya Angelou once said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”
Off beat
I’ve essentially finished my first full month in my private practice. It’s an interesting feeling… not quite like I thought it would be. Oh, to be sure, I love doing what I do … there is no doubt about that! But there are other aspects to this life-choice that – because of a lack of experience – I feel unsure about. One of those is balancing working in my practice with working on it (a previous post) but also balancing that with self-care. Then, there is the growing realization that everything I do and say as a private citizen now reflects not only on my practice, but on my profession as a counsellor. It’s a different kind of mentality. I am new at this way of thinking, and there is so much to consider: from my comments and choices on social media right down to deeper questions of integrity and authenticity. Things I thought I knew, I’m finding I don’t know as well as I thought I did. Things that I never thought possible for me to do, I find myself doing instinctively. It truly is a step into a different world.
So I hesitate. I second-guess myself. I question my motives. Part of me seeks to maintain the status quo… but the emerging professional in me realizes that the status quo sometimes leads to stagnation, perhaps even dis-ease. Certainly not growth. And I go back to hesitation and self-questioning.
New roles in my life intensify the gravity of the actions I take and the choices I make. I think of the most recent new role as that of the acting President-elect (a.k.a. VP) of the local counselling association. As a member of the executive, I currently hold a position of power and influence. Me. Who knew? (Certainly not a much younger me, that’s for sure!)
I have fears regarding whether blind spots in my psyche might lead to irreparable gaffes that could damage my reputation. Am I mature enough for this profession? part of me feels like a shy child with no social skills in a schoolyard full of potential friends and bullies, and I don’t know which is which, or whom to trust. It’s pretty frightening.
I have family who support me, friends, colleagues and mentors who encourage me and who point out my errors in a caring way… and I so very much appreciate the encouragement. But sometimes it takes me a while to wrap my head around the things I need to change (because change is hard, and I am – – let’s face it – – stubborn). And even when I admit that I need to change something, it’s much easier said than done, especially when there are other people’s sensibilities at stake. I do so hate disappointing or potentially hurting others, especially if those others are people I care about.
It’s like there’s this rhythm that seems so natural to the people who have been in this profession for a while… and I just feel like I’m … off beat. . . like somehow, I don’t fit in. It’s not a nice feeling … not that I haven’t felt it before, but this time, it feels different … more important … like there’s way more at stake.
Perhaps I’m feeling this way because I’m so new to it. Perhaps it’s because I make mistakes, forget myself, step in something messy and then don’t know how to get out… it wouldn’t be the first time in my life. Or perhaps I’m one of those people that march to a different drum. At this point, I don’t know yet.
But I hope to survive in this profession long enough to figure that out.
.
Ebb and Flow
I’ve spent the last 10 minutes looking for a photo on Pixabay to describe my counselling business AND my practice (the business is the dollar side of things and the practice is the service end of things). What I came up with was a concept of the tides coming in and going out: the ebb (receding, low-tide, low-cash-flow OR less frequent service) and the flow (incoming, high-tide, higher cash-flow OR more frequent service).
One would think that as a self-employed individual, I would want to always be at “high tide” or in a “flow” position. There are advantages, of course: higher cash flow, higher productivity, more people served and helped, less boredom, fewer bare spots on my schedule, and so forth. And I would love that, especially now, when I’m trying to accumulate direct client hours for registration with the new provincial College of Counselling Therapists. My goal is 15 sessions per week. And I can picture myself doing that and thriving!
However, there is a down side to so many sessions per week, one facet of which is the demands on my time and my finite physical and emotional resources. I would need to manage my schedule in ways that I currently am not doing: scheduling time for me, for connection with significant others in my life, and so on. That being said, I CAN picture myself doing that if I need to.
Right now, I’m at a “low-tide” or “ebb” position. There are many reasons for this: (1) COVID-19 restrictions, (2) winter and the resulting road conditions, (3) internet availability for some of my potential clients who live in remote areas (for video or telephone counselling), (4) the fact that I am just starting out and word of mouth has not spread yet, and (5) limited coverage by insurance companies for my services.
Most days I have no sessions booked. Those that are, sometimes cancel or postpone due to COVID restrictions, among other, more ‘normal’ reasons such as sickness or family emergencies.
While the “ebb” of my practice and my business leaves me without a steady or consistent inflow of income, and I have fewer people to help, it is a time of growth and unexpected blessing in my life. I have more time to upgrade my skills, to pack in all that reading I put aside during my degree, and to explore the riches of down-time. I liken it to combing the south-shore beach at low tide in the summertime, and finding warm little tidal pools of crawling baby crustaceans and kelp leaves. There are things that are no doubt still there at high tide, but I don’t get to see them because the water is so deep that I can’t see to the bottom.
I can enjoy those times too, in different ways of course, but I can still enjoy them. I can be grateful for what the universe brings me, and rejoice when a client materializes (seemingly) out of thin air.
Such blessings are not to be overlooked or taken for granted. I am so impressed with how my career is growing so organically and without overwhelming me at any given time. It’s amazing to watch, almost as if I were a third party watching my life unfold. It’s healthy food for gratitude. I like it.
And as long as the ebb is here, I’ll enjoy it. And when the tide
turns and starts to come back in, I’ll be ready for that too. I just
hope I remembered to bring my water wings. 
Working on vs in my practice
This post is a little different from my other posts. I’m coming from the perspective of someone who has been in practice for a little over a month, and sharing what I have learned about the business side of psychotherapy. And I have learned a LOT about that kind of business, and the crossover between working IN my practice and working ON it.
First, whatever shape my practice takes, it must conform to the Code of Ethics of my Professional Association, the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, where I hold a Canadian Certified Counsellor designation. So, to my chagrin, some of the marketing practices suggested by Google, where I currently have my business website at http://www.jggilliscounselling.org, are not allowed by the CCPA. The main one, and I am so grateful to my supervisor for pointing it out to me, is that I am not allowed to have current or former clients endorse my practice publicly. A business may do so (such as the electric company, who uses a certain insurance company where I am registered as a provider), since the identity of clients would be protected, but current or former clients need to have their identities protected (even initials is too much), so … I contacted those individuals who left reviews and asked them to remove their comments from my website (I tried to do it but Google would not let me). They were so great about it too. So now, I have no “testimonials” section on my site. Whew!! Live and learn, I guess. And I honestly should have done my homework before surging ahead: MY BAD!!
In other (related) news, I am working with someone who is designing a
new site for me to be put up onto SquareSpace – one that will blow my
rinky-dinky Google site out of the water and make it possible for me to
remove the Google site altogether. But that is another announcement for
another time.
I also am not allowed to promise results, which throws a kink into most marketing plans for growing a “normal” (non-professional-service-oriented) business. I have learned, though, what I CAN promise, and I am being as transparent here as I know how to be so that other counsellors don’t have as many growing pains as I have had.
There is no way I can guarantee success in therapy. Success is a function of how much both parties (therapist AND client) put into the process and the relationship.
(Above graphic from GDJ at Pixabay.com )
That having been shared, there ARE certain things I really CAN promise to prospective clients. I will make a list below.
- I will be there to listen to you and to hold space for your pain
- I will be authentic, empathetic, and accepting of you
- I will ask about your relationships, past and present, to understand how you see your world
- I will be curious about your experience and ask you to clarify what certain words mean to you (because they don’t mean the same things for everyone)
- I will respect your personhood, your culture, and your human rights
- I will ask you to give me feedback regarding how you think therapy is going for you
- I will take notes so as to remind myself of what we have covered and what we have agreed on for a treatment path for you
- I will not drag out your therapy beyond what you need to move forward
How is that for a charter of therapy guarantees for clients? If you are a mental health professional, please let me know in the comments if those “guarantees” work for you, and HOW they work for you. I’m honestly curious!!
If you are a prospective client, well then! I hope that you feel comfortable with my style and my approach to therapy, which includes a focus on relationships, any past or current trauma that you have experienced or ARE experiencing, and respects your right to choose what works for you. (And if you are a prospective client, PLEASE only comment as Anonymous… to protect yourself – and me – from any unnecessary scrutiny.)
I can’t think of another thing to say about this right now. But I may revisit this topic later. I look forward to seeing your comments!
Have a healthy and safe 2022!
Slow as molasses
I have been open for business since December 13, 2021. My certification came through and was dated December 3. I was notified on the 6th, and took a week to move my plants and last-minute things into my office. My first client came to see me on December 15th.
So far, I’ve been averaging two clients per week. That will increase over time, but right now, things are, as the saying goes, “slow as molasses in January.” I can’t say that I mind much, because it gives me plenty of time to reflect, to improve my process for new clients, and to work on treatment plans. I’m doing this thing in 2022 where I try to stay in the present instead of wondering what the future holds and stressing out that it’s not happening as quickly as I want. I did that regarding my certification and the only thing my fretting did was make me dissatisfied and cranky. My apologies to my friends and family who had to put up with my frequent complaints about the process!
Those who know me best (my family, for example) have seen me blossom again as my clientele expands to those who consider my services worth paying for. That in itself sometimes makes me say to myself, “Wait, what?” But I think my supervisor said it best to me. “This is what you do now, Judy. You’re a counsellor.”
To someone like me, that is mind-blowing. Let me explain.
I was born in a small town in New Brunswick. I was raised in an even smaller community eight miles away, by parents who had limited education. My dad was a blue-collar worker at a foundry, assembling stoves. My mom stayed at home with us kids until I was eight, and then worked as a housekeeper for various clients. Her starting fee was $2.00 an hour.
(Image free at Pixabay, by Emelian Robert Vicol)
The children came shortly after that. I stayed at home to raise my two daughters (a personal choice) until the youngest was in grade one. After a few dead-end jobs, I managed to get employment in the public service, where I stayed in one capacity or the other (mostly in clerical work, but the last 12 years working in disability benefits) until my retirement in September 2020.
A few years before my retirement, I began to think about what I might want to do after I retired. Again, it was my husband who encouraged me to further my education with a view to having a second career. Since I could not move away to go to school (my family and job were here) I eventually found Athabasca University and worked online, with short periods of face-to-face learning, toward my Masters in Counselling, which I received in August 2021.
My practicum happened in September 2020 to May 2021, where I could offer my services for free and where I did not need to pay rent for a temporary space made available to me by a local church.
The rest, as my readers know, is history.
But part of me is still that kid growing up poor, unwanted, and often mistreated even at home. That is the part that gapes in awe at the fact that anyone would choose to spend money to be with me for an hour. Yet here I am. And it’s not the money itself (it never was!!); it’s the validation that comes from people who find help and health from talking to me.
My thousand-watt smile (as my hubby calls it) has returned. I was made to do this – this counselling thing – and I love doing it!
And it turns out that I like molasses, cold OR warm.
The hardest part
I have been through many stages and phases in preparation for being a counsellor. The education, the setbacks in that process, the uncertainty of whether or when I would get a suitable practicum and supervisor, the extra work, juggling my job and my education, and many questions within these areas, all served to make my preparation process a stressful one. About the only relatively stress-free part was my practicum (Sept 2020 to May 2021).
And now that I have graduated with my Masters of Counselling (Counselling Psychology), and being named Acting President-elect of the PEI Counselling Association (as of November 18), I have found the hardest part of all is simply this: I hate waiting. As of this moment, I am waiting for my certification to come through from the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, and I’ve been waiting for this since September 15th. I had thought I would be receiving this certification in mid-November, but there was a delay in processing my application, and the CCPA tells me that my application will take another 2 weeks approximately, pending re-review by the ‘registrar’ of the Certification department.
My lack of certification means that I cannot purchase liability insurance to practice psychotherapy, so I cannot receive clients until that happens. Once it does, it will be a matter of one to two business days and I will be able to receive clients.
And that waiting, that having to press “pause” until someone else does what they’re supposed to do, is the hardest part for me of this entire preparation for opening my own practice. I like the feeling of being self-sufficient for what feels like the first time in my life, and this one barrier seems so distressing as a result.
However, even this sensation is useful to me as a therapist. I finally understand how trapped by circumstance many of those who seek counselling feel. They feel trapped by lack of funds, or by their situation, or by any other thing that is outside of their control, where they feel dependent on someone else (or something else, like [for example] the health care system), before their life can turn around. In the case of couples counselling, for instance, a spouse might feel powerless and trapped in the cycle of being in a relationship with a workaholic partner, wanting to connect with the person they are committed to, but being unable to do so. They seem to be always asking for attention in some way, but they are met only with more distance … and they don’t know why. All they know is that they are waiting for their spouse to change … and it’s not happening.
And now, I understand that helpless feeling, being frustrated because “if only” this or that would happen, things would change and I could get on with my life. Of course, it’s not the same thing, but the emotions are similar … and I’m all about understanding emotions as one who will practice Emotionally-Focused Couples’ Therapy and Family Therapy (see www.jggilliscounselling.org for more details on that). I get it now. I understand it. So, in a sense, I’ve needed this time of waiting. That doesn’t make it any easier, but it makes it less hard to understand.
My heart is with my client. I want to open before Christmas, which is a difficult time for some who struggle with their mental health. I want to be able to do the most good as soon as possible. I often said to my husband (during my practicum), “I was MADE for this!” … and I truly believe that this is true. I am passionate about people who need help. Those who know me best, know this about me. It’s something that has been a part of me since I was in my late teens, decades ago. It was with me during my first career at Veterans Affairs Canada. And it will stay with me throughout my second career as a counsellor.
So, although it may feel a little unsettling, I am poised for action. I’m in the starting block, waiting for the starting pistol to fire. So many people have expressed their support and their intention to use my services once I’m ‘open for business’ that I have no misgivings about not being busy enough. From former clients to mentors, friends, and family, everyone has confirmed for me that I am on the path I need to be. I know it; they know it. And soon, hopefully VERY soon, others will know it too.
Here’s to waiting.
On my way
In the last six weeks, I’ve managed to see my application completed for certification (and am currently half-way through the 8-week turnaround time for that), look for and secured an office site for my practice, join the Canadian Federation for Independent Business, open a bank account, get a payment account through Chase, and I have been referred to a business insurance company. I’ve started a simple bookkeeping system (some experience with that from another former existence), gotten some signage set up for my business, plus business cards and brochures, and started to move into my little office, bit by bit.
The last half of that time I have done all these things with a broken left arm (cast from palm to just shy of my elbow). So yay for me! Also yay for a supportive hubby and daughter who helped with the stuff I couldn’t do (lifting, using tools to put together furniture, etc.)
The biggest block to progress just now is the certification process. Still practicing my breathing!! I am finding the waiting long still.
I’m also putting the spare time to good use by taking a course in Emotionally-Focused Therapy. Listening to Sue Johnston and her team teach and demonstrate EFT has been so amazing. I easily can see how this style of therapy fits with my personality, my beliefs and values, and my professional identity.
But as for this in-between space of waiting …. I have a pretty good idea what’s next, so I’m not stressing about it. I’m just eager to get started. I have caught myself saying, “Only 4 more weeks left.” With a tentative date of November 19 for certification to be approved, I imagine my first session would be between the 22nd and the 29th.
There’s lots to do, so I’ll keep busy. And my arm DOES need time to mend. (Typing: arrgh!)
What’s ahead? More moving in (slowly), starting to create a client list for bookings in late November, finishing my EFT course, and getting the word out about my services. It’s all doable.
And apparently … I can’t wait! 
Just Breathe
The house is quiet.
I have some flavoured coffee beside me, taking the occasional sip and enjoying the taste each time.
But part of me is restless. . . the part of me that is anxious to get started on my counselling career. So many things I need to do that are put on hold, like getting a bank account, depend greatly on the results of the application I have submitted to the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA) to be designated as a CCC – Canadian Certified Counsellor. I am not worried; I am sure I will get the designation, but the real question is timing. WHEN will it come through? And that is the source of my restlessness. I want it to happen sooner rather than later.
And yet … there is the other part of me that retired from the public service last fall, and never had a chance to enjoy my retirement because of (as enjoyable as it might have been) practicum, and the subsequent capstone course that kept me busy right up until about 4 weeks ago. That part of me enjoys the respite – the vacation that I have not been able to take for the past 7 years or so, because I’ve been in school for the most part. And when I did take a semester off, I was doing overtime – so no rest there.
Now I’m resting … and quite frankly, part of me doesn’t know what to do with myself.
I’m working quite hard on focusing myself to just breathe when these times come. Breathe, accept that I’m unable to do anything to affect the outcome, that things will happen when they happen.
I can’t count the number of times I have checked on my CCPA membership page to see the status of my application. Currently they have yet to mark two things sent to them last week as received. I understand that because of COVID-19, everyone is working from home, but this delay is particularly difficult for me to accept.
Yet accept it I must.
So, I am reminded of a quote from the Bible – I think it’s in Hebrews – which says (in part) “labour to enter into … rest.” I never fully understood that quote until now. It takes work to centre my Self and remain in peace when these waiting times happen. I keep saying to myself that so much is riding on this – and I put undue pressure on myself. I can only do what I can do. And right now, I can’t do ANYTHING except wait.
So I wait. And the waiting patiently part of things needs work. Therefore, I work at resting, waiting patiently, accepting what is.
A colleague of mine used to have a little wooden plaque she kept at her office. Her sister had made it for her with a wood-burning kit and then coated it with a stain and then polyurethane. It looked professional! This lady’s cubicle was just across from mine, and I often saw this cool plaque and did what it said: Just Breathe. When I did that even for five minutes, the tension drained from my shoulders and I was better able to focus on what needed to be done. When I retired from that office last fall, my colleague gifted me with that plaque because she knew I admired it. It meant SO much!
And now, it is time for me to Just Breathe.
I breathe in through the nose for a count of four – pulling the breath in with my diaphragm (called belly-breathing), hold for a count of seven, and out through the nose for a count of eight. It’s something I recommended during my practicum to my clients (called 4-7-8 breathing). If they couldn’t do that, I’d say, okay, then do 3-5-6; some found that easier. The idea was to exhale for twice the inhale … and to focus on the breath, control it, and let go of the tension. It works! The hard part is REMEMBERING to do it.
Breathing like that reduces tension, aids in digestion, blood pressure, metabolism, and blood chemistry as the stress hormones (like adrenaline and cortisol) ebb away. My mind can race – as long as I notice the thoughts, accept them, and return my focus to the breath. Doing that for longer periods of time (like 20 minutes) is relaxing. Doing this even while typing lowers my heart rate, relaxes my core muscles, and makes me feel more peaceful. I can meditate on positive thoughts like “I’m exactly where I need to be right now.”
The anxious thoughts fade. I am more present for myself. I can enjoy the little things, like the taste of this flavoured coffee. I like this feeling. And all I did was Just Breathe.
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