JG Gillis Counselling

  I was talking with a client yesterday and they said to me that they were not sure what goals to set next, after a particularly trying episode of setting and maintaining boundaries.  I started to reflect on everything we had been through in therapy, and there was really only one suggestion I could make. I brought out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... and talked about how it might be helpful to look at whether basic needs were being met before moving on to others that were "nice-to-have." I likened it to building a house when there were holes in the foundation, and that it's more helpful to repair the holes before moving on. Free image "Pyramid" from Pixabay The concept Maslow talked about looked like a pyramid, with levels indicating the base (representing physical needs like food, sleep, shelter, etc.) all the way to the top (which represented complete fulfillment on every level). My client was familiar with this concept, as we'd discussed it before, and ...

Most of my clients don't mention Thanksgiving; it's an excuse to have a long weekend and they only talk about it after it has happened and only if it was stressful for them. Their stressors mostly and usually centre around Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Royalty-free photo from Pixabay To me, Thanksgiving (in the US, Columbus Day) is bittersweet. In 2013, while my youngest was still alive, and homeless in her car in Edmonton Alberta, I was so discouraged and was thinking of cancelling the big meal. She got wind of it, and pleaded with me: "Oh Mom, don't cancel Thanksgiving. Look at me; I'm living in my car but I'm still thankful. I'm thankful that I have you and Dad, and my friends who love me, and a place to sleep at night. Please Mom. Please." So, touched and moved by her concern for ME, I did Thanksgiving traditions that year. Less than 2 weeks later, she was gone. So yeah, bittersweet. I still celebrate...

With most if not all of my clients, I recommend a simple (but sometimes hard) exercise: self-care. Many people don't understand why. Some misunderstand what I mean by self-care. I thought I'd take some time this morning and briefly talk about what self-care is and why it is so important to everyone, but especially to everyone who is dealing with mental health issues. Self-care isn't all massages, manicures, and bubble baths. If those things make you feel great about yourself, by all means, do them, but I'm talking about small things that you can do in your daily routine, as simple as brushing teeth (or other hygienic things, which for people with depression, may seem hard) right up to taking a walk or having an outing with or without a human or animal friend.  Free photos available at Pixabay.com The purpose of this kind of activity is simple. It is to feed the part of you that rarely gets any thanks or gratitude from anyone, the part of you that feels alone, misunderst...

When does trauma end?  The short answer is that it doesn't.  More precisely, no matter how short-term or long-term the trauma has been, or is, the brain's response to trauma is the same. It rewires itself to protect the person from further trauma. So, while the incident(s) may be over with, the trauma lives inside of the person and needs to be processed before the brain can heal itself.  I saw this image today of PET (positron emission tomography) scans of a normal brain's function and that of someone who had experienced trauma. It was very telling. The front of the brain is where we do our thinking and make decisions. The temporal lobes (circled in the image) are where we process new information so the front of our brains can decide what to do. The back of our brains is where we have our automatic reactions: fight, flight, freeze, and so forth (it's also called the "lizard brain.")  Trauma interferes with our ability to process new information and to make int...

  During my Masters degree studies, professors stressed over and over again how important it was for every counsellor to HAVE a counsellor.  I took that seriously. Halfway through my program, I ran into an emotional snag and had to go on medication to weather it, and I sought the help of a counsellor who was well-versed in processing traumatic experiences. With her help, I was able to heal from many of my childhood traumas and integrate those experiences and my reactions to them into my everyday life and practice. It took several months, but I saw progress in my personal life and emotions. I kept seeing this counsellor as a touchstone of sorts, a way to keep myself accountable for the gains I had made in therapy. When my counsellor made a decision to explore other challenges, I knew I had to find someone else to talk to, because the experience of being heard was not something I wanted to let lapse. I found such a person through an online counselling service, and I'm still seei...

  I just got back from a walk with hubby and the dogs. It's been so muggy the last two or three weeks that walking seemed more of a chore than anything; I would sweat profusely at the end of even 20 minutes. But tonight, the humidity went down a bit, as did the temperature, and now only my face and neck are moist. I'll take it! I'd been feeling a bit down and discouraged about a few things as we came to the end of June 2023. It was a rainy month, and the temperatures seemed cold; the grass was wet EVERY day.  Free photo by Susanne06 at Pixabay.com Near the end of June or the beginning of July, I had a health scare and started taking seriously the food choices I was making, and the activity level I was settling for. To combat getting my shoes wet, I got some rubber boots (pink, why not?) and started taking the puppy out on a regular schedule, which started around 8:30 am. Within 3 weeks, she was going "outside" to do her business (on leash of course) more than hal...

When I was a child, my home life was chaotic and unpredictable. It depended very much on my mother's mood. I never knew when or whether I would be hugged or beaten. At the time, I thought everyone's life was like that. I believed that delusion until well into my adulthood. But even as a child, I knew when I felt safe. I would seek those feelings - even though I had no name for them - in the company of adult neighbours, or other relatives who were within walking distance, or even in solitude. I made sure (learned the hard way) to let my mom know where I was going and how long I would be there. And I would set out to visit these people. Back then, someone was always home; women stayed home to keep house and keep the home fires burning, so to speak. And I would visit folks who always smiled when they saw me coming.  I remember going to see my grandmother (my mom's mother) who lived about a half a mile away. I would enter the yard and the first place I'd go was to see the a...