JG Gillis Counselling

Grief is a topic not many people want to talk about, but it is a fact of life that we need to address. Grief comes about by means of a loss - whether a loss of a person in our lives, a cherished dream, a job, a relationship, or a part of ourselves. It can even be a loss of something we never had.  Many of us have heard of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and we mistakenly think that these are stages that proceed in an orderly fashion, like items on a "to-do" list. However, it doesn't work that way. These are common components that can occur in our grief, but can be experienced more like a whack-a-mole game, popping up seemingly at random, and sometimes we can experience two or more of those states at the same time.  The common belief is that we "get over" grief. We don't. But it changes. Free image from Pixabay.com I like to compare it to being out in the ocean during a storm. The waves are so high, so frequent, tha

  I was talking with a client yesterday and they said to me that they were not sure what goals to set next, after a particularly trying episode of setting and maintaining boundaries.  I started to reflect on everything we had been through in therapy, and there was really only one suggestion I could make. I brought out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... and talked about how it might be helpful to look at whether basic needs were being met before moving on to others that were "nice-to-have." I likened it to building a house when there were holes in the foundation, and that it's more helpful to repair the holes before moving on. Free image "Pyramid" from Pixabay The concept Maslow talked about looked like a pyramid, with levels indicating the base (representing physical needs like food, sleep, shelter, etc.) all the way to the top (which represented complete fulfillment on every level). My client was familiar with this concept, as we'd discussed it before, and

Most of my clients don't mention Thanksgiving; it's an excuse to have a long weekend and they only talk about it after it has happened and only if it was stressful for them. Their stressors mostly and usually centre around Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Royalty-free photo from Pixabay To me, Thanksgiving (in the US, Columbus Day) is bittersweet. In 2013, while my youngest was still alive, and homeless in her car in Edmonton Alberta, I was so discouraged and was thinking of cancelling the big meal. She got wind of it, and pleaded with me: "Oh Mom, don't cancel Thanksgiving. Look at me; I'm living in my car but I'm still thankful. I'm thankful that I have you and Dad, and my friends who love me, and a place to sleep at night. Please Mom. Please." So, touched and moved by her concern for ME, I did Thanksgiving traditions that year. Less than 2 weeks later, she was gone. So yeah, bittersweet. I still celebrate

With most if not all of my clients, I recommend a simple (but sometimes hard) exercise: self-care. Many people don't understand why. Some misunderstand what I mean by self-care. I thought I'd take some time this morning and briefly talk about what self-care is and why it is so important to everyone, but especially to everyone who is dealing with mental health issues. Self-care isn't all massages, manicures, and bubble baths. If those things make you feel great about yourself, by all means, do them, but I'm talking about small things that you can do in your daily routine, as simple as brushing teeth (or other hygienic things, which for people with depression, may seem hard) right up to taking a walk or having an outing with or without a human or animal friend.  Free photos available at Pixabay.com The purpose of this kind of activity is simple. It is to feed the part of you that rarely gets any thanks or gratitude from anyone, the part of you that feels alone, misunderst

When does trauma end?  The short answer is that it doesn't.  More precisely, no matter how short-term or long-term the trauma has been, or is, the brain's response to trauma is the same. It rewires itself to protect the person from further trauma. So, while the incident(s) may be over with, the trauma lives inside of the person and needs to be processed before the brain can heal itself.  I saw this image today of PET (positron emission tomography) scans of a normal brain's function and that of someone who had experienced trauma. It was very telling. The front of the brain is where we do our thinking and make decisions. The temporal lobes (circled in the image) are where we process new information so the front of our brains can decide what to do. The back of our brains is where we have our automatic reactions: fight, flight, freeze, and so forth (it's also called the "lizard brain.")  Trauma interferes with our ability to process new information and to make int

  During my Masters degree studies, professors stressed over and over again how important it was for every counsellor to HAVE a counsellor.  I took that seriously. Halfway through my program, I ran into an emotional snag and had to go on medication to weather it, and I sought the help of a counsellor who was well-versed in processing traumatic experiences. With her help, I was able to heal from many of my childhood traumas and integrate those experiences and my reactions to them into my everyday life and practice. It took several months, but I saw progress in my personal life and emotions. I kept seeing this counsellor as a touchstone of sorts, a way to keep myself accountable for the gains I had made in therapy. When my counsellor made a decision to explore other challenges, I knew I had to find someone else to talk to, because the experience of being heard was not something I wanted to let lapse. I found such a person through an online counselling service, and I'm still seeing th